He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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