Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize