Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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