I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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