I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize