i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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