This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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