Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize