dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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