well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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