I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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