in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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