I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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