Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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