Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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