I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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