I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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