very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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