I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When are your genitals available?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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