It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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