Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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