K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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