OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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