She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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