If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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