Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize