Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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