I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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