Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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