i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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