I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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This house was built for laser tag.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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