D3 body, D1 cock
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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