Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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