just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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