I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize