If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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