I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize