Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize