I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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