I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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