it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize