I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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