I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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