I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize