NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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