Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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