Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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