I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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