I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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