do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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