My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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